Sex Drive: How to pinpoint what’s causing your man’s erotic apathy

Sex Drive: The wildly held belief is that as soon as a man clamps eyes on a woman, he has nothing but sex on the brain, and when the atmosphere is conducive, he’s rearing to go and is guaranteed to ring your bell all of the time! Isn’t that a tall order for the average man? According to Dr. Stanley Althof, an American professor of psychology, the average hot-blooded woman would have had boyfriends who wanted sex less often than she did.

One of the reasons for this may be that as completely liberated chicks, women today think nothing of vocalizing their sexual needs, that alone has made any desire disparities more conspicuous than they’ve been in generations past. “The truth is”, said the professor, “Some men as young as in their early 20s and 30s just don’t want sex that frequently, because they never had much desire to begin with”. And we’re not talking about a temporary dip in the sex drive. That happens a lot, for all kinds of reasons. One of these is stress: If your man is swamped at work, getting it on is going to be the last thing on his mind. Just like women, men need to mentally be in the game in order to play ball.

Fatigue is another factor. When a man is tired, his hormone levels drop and he can’t mentally or physically get aroused. Plus, he may be concerned that his lack of energy will affect his performance – and therefore nix nooky. Also, prescription medications could be a culprit. Pills for everything from ulcers to high blood pressure can significantly inhibit a man’s sex drive as well as his ability to get an erection. When a man is depressed and is feeling down, his testosterone’s low too – and decreased sex drive is a common side effect of many anti-depressants, making it a little bit of a lose-lose lust situation. Alcoholism and drug abuse could also be culprits. Sure a few drinks can make a guy horny as well. But regular over-indulging in booze or, drugs damages not only a man’s body but his lust level as well. When your man’s sex drive is low, said Althof, the obvious assumption would be that he’s gay, cheating, or not attracted to you. Be rest assured that there is nothing wrong with him, just in his make up. “Although there’s no way to really measure a normal sex drive, most experts agree that if a guy feels the urge to get it on with a partner or masturbate at least once a week, his erotic appetite falls within the healthy range. Still, that’s no consolation if you want sex more often than that. Althof then dissects your man’s passion problems and gives some helpful advice.

It’s physical: Before resigning yourself to a sex life in which your vibrator figures more prominently than you’d probably like, you should first try to pinpoint what’s causing your man’s erotic apathy. If he only wants to ring your bell once every two weeks or less, he’s most likely suffering from a low libido, stemming from a physiological or psychological issue. To rule out physical cause, encourage him to have his testosterone levels tested. If his levels fall below the normal range, that could explain his lack of desire. (This condition affects less than five per cent of men under 40). Should that be the cause, it’s relatively easy to fix. There are a variety of way to treat a testosterone deficiency, most commonly with a prescription gel. When applied, daily, it boosts a man’s hormone levels for as long as it’s in his system, which is roughly 24 hours. When it’s mental: Unfortunately, though, a miracle gel can’t cure every man’s sucky sex drive. For most men who rarely want sex, says Althof, psychological issues are to blame. Majority of men with low libidos weren’t born that way. Instead, negative past experiences made them so inhibited, so ashamed, or anxious about sex, they either never develop a healthy interest in it or suppressed their natural inclinations to the point that it’s not appealing to them. One possible culprit is his upbringing. If a man was raised to believe that sex is dirty, he may feel guilty having in the first place. It’s not easy to loosen up and enjoy yourself if it’s been ingrained in your head since childhood that sex is sinful. Performance anxiety: Another source of erotic angst is performance anxiety. If a man’s last girlfriend was critical of his package or made him feel like he had no skills in the sack, he’s not going to be so eager to have it again. A negative sexual experience can be so traumatizing for a man, he’ll carry those insecurities into the next relationship. A man like that would rather avoid sex altogether than deal with the humiliation of losing his erec5tion or being betrayed by his partner. The silver lining, said Althof, is that since performance anxiety usually manifests itself when a man is an adult, it’s much easier to resolve than deep-seated childhood hang-ups he’s carried around for years. The best strategy here is to gently suggest therapy. Explain that you’re hoping that if he addresses some of his concerns, he’ll boost his sex drive. Should your man agree to seek help, be patient: It could take anywhere from three months to a year for him to make progress on certain psychological issues. If he balks at either discussing his low libido or doing something about it, back off – then honestly ask yourself whether an unsatisfying sex life is something you’re willing to live with (and if so, for how long?)

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